Let me tell you a story, a story that those close to me know. One of the darker days in my life occurred when my Bestie Adam called me via Skype several years ago. At the time we were living in different states. He was calling to inform me that what we thought was a hernia he was suffering from, turned out to be Non Hodgkins Lymphoma. After we disconnected our Skype session, I broke down. I don’t think, to this day, he realizes how fucking scared I was. The word “cancer” is such a fucked up word. I never let him see how truly petrified I was. He’s my longest relationship platonic or otherwise, my rock, my glue.
I swore to Adam when he told me he was going to be undergoing chemo, that I would shave my head with him if he lost his hair. Adam handled his chemo treatments like a champ but eventually he did sport is beautiful bald head. He handled losing his hair with dignity and humor, even sending me pictures in a mock Dr. Evil pose. That was it, I was gonna follow through with my promise.
I went to work and being the cautious human being that I am, and one who needed her menial salary, I asked my boss if he’d be okay having a bald employee. He quickly said, “No, we can’t have that. We can’t keep you as an employee if you do that.” Fair enough. I needed that bullshit job and wasn’t about to jeopardize that.
My brain started washing, and I had an idea. I contacted several local salons and barber shops and through much coordination had, what I thought, was a worthy and meaningful event. I was working at a bowling ally at the time and I had these hair professionals on standby. They agreed to come into the ally and perform haircuts to staff and league bowlers for free if they were donating said hair and we would take donations for The American cancer Society. I offered them a 2 hour bowling package for their staff as a thank you. I was stoked, we were gonna make so many fucking wigs, raise awareness, maybe some money, but more importantly it was what I could do to show Adam I was firmly at his side regardless of how many states separated us. My boss shut the whole thing down, and I never got a sufficient response as to why.
Cut to 2015.
I fell head over British heels for Leah Remini’s nanny Trish when I started watching “It’s All Relative.” When I learned she had breast cancer on the show, what struck me was how her and Leah’s relationship resembled mine and Adam’s. It was oddly uplifting and made me smile. I have always held a grudge about not pulling through when Adam lost his hair. Trish lost her hair and in a poignant tone, told Leah, “Bald is beautiful.”
This holiday season has been exceptionally challenging for me, but I am grateful for so many things. I have been able to keep going, although I want to give up every single day, by reminding myself of the truly important things that matter, especially around the holidays. It’s not about punching someone in the face over a Star Wars toaster, or indulging in the black Friday and Cyber Monday debotcheries that resemble a slaughterhouse. It isn’t about how much we spend on gifts but rather how much time we spend with those that matter. There are many out there who are far worse off than I, and that is how I remain grateful.
I have nothing to give to anybody this year. All I can give is quite literally, myself. My hair is my trademark. It is the one feature of mine that I am proud of. It has landed me every single acting role I have gotten. Every casting person has made a comment on the length and thickness of my hair. One TV show director actually put me on a show and as thrilled as I was, I gotta be honest, when I saw my scene, it was shot in a way and edited in a way where my face was never shown. Just the back of me, my hair. I ain’t complaining, in fact it gave me quite a chuckle.
I jokingly sent out a tweet asking Leah Remini to go to Disneyland with me, and if she did, I would shave my hair. I got to thinking though, sure I was joking, but a part of me feels I still owe it to Adam, plus Leah and Trish reminded me that no matter how scared I was for Adam, he was surely more scared than I’ll ever know. And what a beautiful way to bring things full circle.
Trish got diagnosed with NED on the finale of “It’s All Relative.”
NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE.
I am so blessed to have Adam in my life and at my side. I am selfish and couldn’t bare a world without him in it. I’m a stubborn bitch who holds true to her word. I can only give myself this year, and so, in honor of Trish and Adam, and the friends who saw them go through the fucked up process of fighting cancer, this holiday season, I am going to give the best of me to the world. In the words of Lady Gaga,
“I am my hair.”
I don’t have a plan as to where, who or when this is going to happen as of now. It’s in development and I’ll surely tweet out details as they transpire!