I haven’t blogged in a while, life has gotten a bit busy and hectic lately! But I have a little story to tell, a little tale that I need to get off my chest. There’s no particular reason to share and there’s no specific message I am attempting to convey. I’m sleep deprived and that means I’m in the mood to share!
It is no secret that I am a hopeless romantic. It is no surprise that my heart belongs to someone and yet I fucked that up beyond repair and will never come to pass. It is no surprise that I perhaps deserve every negative fall out from this thing we call love. I did however, meet someone not too long ago. This person captured my attention immediately and it turns out we were a great match. The more we talked, the more it was revealed how similar we are. Our friendship blossomed quickly and I made the one mistake I have become a professional at avoiding, I got attached. Long story short, this person told me they would be moving out of state. They shared this bit of information with me when we first became acquainted in July. It seemed as though we had time to just enjoy each other until the dreaded time came for their departure. Cut to it getting extremely close to that day which we do not speak of. I wanted to do something special for this person and it was always in the back of my mind to gather information to utilize. Over the course of our short lived relationship, we would do this thing where we would ask each other random questions that seemingly meant nothing and disguised itself as small talk. I was planning on taking this person out on one official and dare I say perfect date before they left. Here are some of the questions I got answers to:
- If you were on death row, what would your last meal be?
- When’s the last time you danced in the rain?
- Have you ever eaten a miracle berry?
- What is your favorite color?
- Who is your favorite poet?
I attempted to incorporate all the stuff I had learned about this person and all the things I adore about this person. I think people have become complacent and we often don’t appreciate others the way they deserve. I have made efforts to improve on the way I treat and communicate with people, and trying like hell not to take shit for granted. Do we not all deserve a love we admire? In our case, this kind:
I planned a date over the course of approximately 2 months. I ordered fresh miracle berries, set to be delivered on the day of said date. I rented a rain machine and one of those inflatable outdoor movie screens and projectors, and I was ready to order the meal of choice for this person. Now, a little bit of back story, this person had not seen “The Notebook” in full when we met and we watched it together. It’s so fucking corny but it’s such a beautiful love story that shows the power of love and fighting for relationships, which hit home for both of us. So, my plan was to pick this person up, head to the location of the date, have a nice outdoor dinner consisting of one of this person’s favorite meals, complete with wine and what have you. After dinner we would watch “The Notebook” on the large outdoor screen. Following dinner, we would experience miracle berries together for dessert. I would of course have available various foods to try with the miracle berries. After the taste testing, cue the rain machine and we would dance together in the rain, Ally and Noah style. I picked out an outfit recently that would be practical for the evening and I even got an outfit for my date because they did not know about the rain machine and I wanted them to have something to wear afterwards. I had seen something really cute in a store, sent them a picture to see if they liked it, and they did, so I got it. There are a few other details I have left out for personal reasons and because I want to keep them between me and this person.
The date was to take place either last week or next week depending on scheduling compatibility. It did not happen last week and it will not happen this week. The reasons are too vast, complex and personal to divulge. What I want to say is that even though this date will never come to fruition, I am at peace. I am not sad, I am not mad, I am not anything. It is just a small chapter in my life that I will take with me. I made necessary efforts to do certain things and to avoid making my patterned mistakes that have destroyed things in my past. I accomplished these things and am finally seeing the changes I’ve made to myself displaying themselves out in the world. The “perfect” date probably doesn’t exist anywhere but in my mind. I think it could and would have been a breathtaking evening and a bittersweet goodbye, and that essence will live on whenever I think of this person in the future.